btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
