The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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