Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
