My first STD was from a foam party
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
