Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
