Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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