yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
