wanna go halves on a baby?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
