we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
