it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So here I am, sexting at work.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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