i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
