I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
