Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
