what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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