that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
