yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
