wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
