Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
