And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
