So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
