i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize