This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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