..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
