Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Drunk is not a location!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize