In the future we'll all be gay
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
