I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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