Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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