I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
