You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
