So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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