God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
