if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
