i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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