If i come over, it means nothing
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
