The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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