Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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