I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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