How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
