woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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