is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
