I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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