I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
