I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
