Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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