he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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