I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
