I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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