Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
