This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
