I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
