I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You had me at "let me see your balls"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize