Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
