Non-Jews are for practice
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
