Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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