last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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