you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
