If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
