They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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