she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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