Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
