3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
