Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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