Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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