I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
