there was a trapeze. enough said
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
