so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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