my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
