He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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