I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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