Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize