Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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