Jerry, you need to find god
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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