i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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