12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
