i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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