How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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