so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
