This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
