I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
