I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize