i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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