Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
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