I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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