i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
