once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
