the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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