dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
