I accidentally had phone sex last night
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize