he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
