i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Vodka?
Forever.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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