shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize