Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
