can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
FUCK WHALES
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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