Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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