u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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