just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize