So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
