I think my vagina is haunted
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
