Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
