I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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