Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
