xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
NoShamevember. You game?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
